Articles Don't Define My Parenting

It's like one day I just decided to stop blogging, only it wasn't really intentional. One day led to another day, another day led to another and another and another. & before I knew it I hadn't blogged in weeks, months. I just can't seem to find the time to do it all like other mommy bloggers! But today, I'm finding time & I figured, one good post every so often means just as much as several mediocre posts. 

So this: 

This is where my time goes. This is where my heart lies. 

My time goes to pirates and princesses. To cooking breakfast and changing diapers. To folding laundry and attempting to get it put away within 1-2 weeks time. To teaching words, manners, numbers, and colors. To loving, living, and showing. 

& this, this is why I don't blog. But today, I want to write. 

I want to write and tell you that so many times people tell me, "oh you've got your hands full. Oh you're such a great mother. Oh how do you do it all?" 

& really, those comments are flattering and encouraging and wonderful. But deep down when you ask how I do it all, I really really want to reply with this:  

"I do every parenting no-no that you constantly post articles about." 

& I know, that's terrible. It is. But hey, that's me. & that's the truth. Articles don't define my parenting. Situations define my parenting. 

I parent differently by situational circumstances. 

I'm just as guilty as posting articles about parenting as the next mom. But the articles aren't really what gets to me. It's the comments you write when you post it. It's the arrogance of your comments back to the mom decided to post in disagreement of your words/the article. & sure, I mean we're all "to each their own" as we comment on controversial subjects and then loudly groan and immediately bad talk that mom to your husband. Oh, you don't do that? Ya, me neither. I never talk to my husband about disagreeing with parenting approaches.  Ever. 

Moving on.

If you can't talk and vent to your husband than who can you talk to? That's the difference. Certain things are better left unsaid. & certain things are better left for face to face conversations because words written can be misconstrued. But, it's fine to disagree with someone. It's fine to be pro spanking, against spanking, pro homeschool, pro public, etc etc etc etc --basically post any controversial subject here. ITS FINE. But, please be mindful of your tone and position. Please be open to hearing someone's reasoning, perspective, and thoughts on the subject. 

There currently is not, has never, and will never be a perfect way to parent every single child. 

So, the disproven theories on the subject that I strongly agree with mean about the same to me as me explaining the disproven theory I used that worked for my family like a charm to you. & Oh, I'm telling you to hide the veggie in your meal - & you're like listen, all my kid will eat is fish sticks. Move along. 

& basically, I'm just saying - articles and friends and our own moms can tell us 5 million things on how/what to do...But, those 5 million things may not pertain to your baby. 

I'm not against articles and advice. In any way. In fact, I LOVE reading articles and learning parenting styles/approaches. I'm just saying, I am not defined by a theory. I fit no parenting technique/label. I fit many. I do what's best in each situation, sometimes that means spanking and other times that means redirection. Sometimes that means time outs and sometimes that means one on one attention time. 

The only thing that defines my parenting are the smiles I get from my kids. The hugs, the laughs, the memories. My kids define my parenting. It's all for them anyways.  

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

I'm Always Busy

I've been inevitably busy the past few months. Suddenly, my twins were both on the move- sweet Jessa is walking! J is more challenging by the day, sometimes behavior wise but mostly just being 2 & needing activities & attention. & my sweet Joey, the kid is right behind is sissy & trying to keep up. I swear he'll be walking soon! 

My smokin' hot husband & I are leading a connect group this fall for our church. We are enjoying are group- the lessons, the get togethers, & of course the people- but I've definitely taken on much more than I like. I love CG & think they are vital for growth, but sometimes they are more of a hassle than enjoyable for me. Next year, I'll sit on the sidelines. 

Excuse my inconsistent blogging, I wish I had the time to write every time a subject crossed my mind. I wish I could pour out all the thoughts & feelings that race through me all day, every day. I wish. 

I always seem to come back to this point:busy. I hate busy. & yet it seems to find me & I seem to chase it. How do you stop busy? How do you stop life? HOW do I say no to all the people who want & need me to do things? How do I say no to the parties of the people who always make it to ours? If you've figured out how  to do these things, let me know. 

I miss so much while I'm busy. I miss simple Saturdays spent doing nothing but whatever our family chooses. I miss teachable moments because I'm rushing to an appointment or a play date. I miss sweet smiles who just want to be held. I miss quiet moments that could be spent celebrating what I have. I miss much more, but I get so busy, I don't have time to think about what I'm missing. 

It's only November & I'm already thinking of New Year Resolutions. & this coming year, I have only 1. 

-take time & enjoy life. 

All the beauty and all the chaos and all the quiet. Enjoy every moment without thinking about the next. Embrace the now and stop missing the moments I'll never get back. 

Is busy affecting your life? If so, I challenge you to think about what you could gain from taking time to enjoy life.

For me, I'll gain memories. I'll gain more energy and less stress. I'll gain family time. I'll gain myself, my children, and my husband back. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Harmon House Goes Camping: Meals

I planned out our meals about 2 weeks before. I'm a freak like that. Plus I like scanned Pinterest like a crazy lady trying to not have hot dogs both nights 😳 I'm all for hot dogs BUT I like my family having a little better nutrition if possible. Anyways, here's what we did. 

We left Friday after I got back from the dentist so we only needed dinner on Friday. I wanted J to have the full camping experience so Friday dinner plan was old fashioned hot dogs, chips, & s'mores! ...I may or may not have made her eat fruit right when we got there just to make myself feel better... BUT GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. There was a burn ban. Ugh! So we couldn't even do s'mores! We did cook hot dogs & have chips & fruit on the side. But sometime soon we are definitely camping in the backyard & cooking s'mores! J's too young to realize that she missed out on the BEST parts of camping: campfires & roasted marshmallows. Luckily, her spirit wasn't too damaged :) 

Saturday I knew would be a crazy filled nonstop moving day. So, definitely loaded up with proteins & carbs! For breakfast I pre-made burritos. I wrapped them in foil so we could just throw them right on the grill to warm up. THEY WERE FANTASTIC!!! & the tortillas got a little crispy (I suggest rotating the burritos while cooking, switching the ones directly over the flame- one mistake I made) but the fact that they got crispy actually made them better. Inside the burritos I put sausage, eggs, cheese, & cottage cheese. (I always put cottage cheese in scrambled eggs because it makes it fantasticccccc- TRY IT. Now. You're welcome.) also, we had pre-cut up melon :) 

For Saturdays lunch/snacks I made simple sandwiches & packed chips, apples, granola bars, & bananas. We were hiking literally all day. Or sight seeing. I think next time I might make some "lunchables" or wraps for myself. Sandwiches were fine but I like fresh sandwiches more than pre-made. But nevertheless, all tummies were happy. 

Saturday nights dinner was barbeque chicken, corn on the cob with chili butter, & we were also supposed to have beans but decided against them simply because I was too lazy to wash the pan. No shame & no regrets. I pre-seasoned the chicken & froze it so by the time we were ready to eat it would be thawed out.  Worked really well! BUT I forgot barbeque sauce! Luckily, my seasoning tastes so well it was still ok but I love sauces for my chicken so I definitely wish we had had some! I know a lot of people like grilled corn on the cob but I actually like mine softer than what the grill cooks it so I pre-boiled mine & wrapped them in foil to put on the grill to warm up. I found this AMAZING chili butter recipe (I'll have to post later, doing a quick nap post right now) that I pre-made & packaged for us to put on the corn. Again, I had happy tummies! 

We didn't pack anything for Sunday because we planned to leave first thing in the morning & stop for breakfast on the road. We ended up leaving Saturday night (will post about why in the "hardships/mistakes" post) so it actually worked perfect. 

For drinks we packed waters & gaterades.  

Overall, everything went great. I'm hoping next time we have longer to camp out because we all really enjoyed ourselves! I'm sorry I didn't get any pictures but I was very focused on not using my phone & enjoying my sweet family. I enjoy blogging but I don't live for it. So I knew I needed to take pictures for my posts but, I also knew that my babies needed some time away from this crazy fast paced world so that was more important. :) we did take our phones on the hikes so I'll have those pictures in another post! 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Harmon House Goes Camping: Part 1

I'm really just not sure where to start or what order to post all the information that went into camping/how camping went. So, I decided breaking it up into parts is the best way to provide all info/not stress me out :) So we're going to start with the prepping/planning of our camping trip. & a few overall details of the trip. 

Wichita Wildlife Refuge

I chose this one (it's about 3 hrs away) specifically for Joe. There's plenty of closer places to camp but my husband is a fan of boulder hopping & the refuge is great for that. He's been wanting to go but since the refuge is 3 hours away, it's not ideal for him to go alone as he would be gone all day. My FIL took us there when we were first married & we actually found out later that I was pregnant at the time. Looking back now it actually makes perfect sense because 1. I was nauseous nearly the entire ride & 2. I ate an entire footlong Subway sandwich in one sitting as opposed to saving half of it for the trail. I was so hungry! & now we know why :) anyways, I chose this for him so that he could go one morning by himself for some alone time. We loved camping out here & will definitely go back again! 

We chose to tent camping because it's seriously SO cheap. It was only $10/night! And bonus: my FIL had camping gear that he let us use so no extra money spent on that! He had a huge tent, cooler, propane stove, ponchos, etc. They did a lot of camping growing up so we were super pleased he let us use the gear! All we had to buy was a few extra necessities. 

Here was our packing list: 

Food (will post our meal plan & details) 

Twin food- Plum organic packs, formula/bottles, 2 gallons of water, few jarred foods, gerber puffs, & oatmeal. 

Tent

Propane stove

Charcoal

Air mattress

Foam floor puzzle (we used this to make J's sleeping area softer)

Pack & play (twins still sleep in this together) 

Books/Activies (will post about this separately) 

Clothes/blankets

Flashlights 

Lighter fluid

Back packs (for hikes)

Few toys for twins

Bumbo's 

...I think that is nearly everything. The individual posts will go more in depth about things I think most family's want to know about when going with young kids; meals, activities, hardships, etc. 

I just wanted to give a short update & give my readers a few posts to be looking out for & to let you all know I'm working on gathering the information so that you can have a fun & stress free camping trip too! 

How many of you enjoy camping? What is something you can't live without when you go? I'd love to hear your ideas!

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Creation

The past few weeks I started back with a few more planned activities rather than just providing random learning opportunities for J. I had some extra kiddos so for some days, it made it easier, & others it was a little more difficult. For the past 2 weeks I've had five kids as opposed to just my 3...& they were all (all 5!) under 2. So it was...an experience. But, some days for the activities it made it easier because J had her good buddy Nolan to play with! 

Anyways... Our focus was creation. 

Here are some things we did/talked about/explored: 

Nature/Animals was the smaller focal point for the past few weeks. 

-We made collages using stickers, magazine cut outs, and things from outside. The kids really enjoyed this using the different textures & choosing how to stick then on the poster. They chose tape  & glue. It was messy, it was trial and error, and it was interesting to watch as they explored all the available supplies and utilized them. Collages will definitely be making more appearances in the Harmon House! 

-We read several books over creation. Including: bible for kids app, bible story rhymes, our actual kids bible, and story books about creation. 

-We also read books about animals and nature such as gardening, forests, oceans, etc. 

-We had bean sensory play and talked about how all of our food was grown and we discussed our favorite foods. 

-We painted with apples and learned various words that start with A. (Next week the small focal points will be family/relationship/self so Adam & Eve will be discussed {hence the apple})

-They older two cooked lunch one day. Again, discussed foods, gardening, etc. They did everything from cracking eggs (where did the egg come from discussing),  making smoothies, & spreading their jam on toast. 

-Nature walk to collect things & play/explore with them. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So these are some things we've been doing. But I feel the need to remind all my reading mommas that the biggest opportunities for learning come unexpectedly and are child-led. Yes, I plan the activities and have hopes for a certain outcome but when doing anything, it's basically an invitation to play. & most of the conversations are done during an activity & I just guide the conversation. There are times when we're doing something & J completely changes gears and starts talking about something she wants to do, I roll with it. That sends the message to me she's not ready or is tired of talking/doing play with me. She is so young that my goal is not to make sure she learns everything, my goal is to open her mind to all the possibilities and to let her explore with them freely. 

I'd also like to say that we did/discussed more things but the above listed where our biggest endeavors. & the above mentioned activities covered much more than what meets the eyes. Fine motor, language development, math, science, reading, gross motor, etc - various developmental/educational areas were covered. All by using play! 

I'd love to hear what you're doing with your kiddos! 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

For the days you feel insignificant...

Today, I woke up exhausted. We've been blessed with babies who sleep through the night, but teething hell is our current situation in the Harmon House. x2. Just as you get one baby down and get back to sleep yourself, the other wakes up. 

So I'm starting my days in exhaustion. With a near 2 year old who's eager to play and be entertained. With two 7 month olds who need me for everything. With a house that needs cleaned, meals that need cooked, and errands that need to be taken care of. 

I look around... 

& all I can see is what needs to be done.

& all I can hear is "Mommy play. Mommy mommy mommy. I want you to help me. Mommy I want drink. Mommy I need you. Mommy mommy mommy."

& all I can feel is the headache from yesterday that crept into today. 

& all I can smell is diapers. Diapers that desperately need to be changed. 

Hours pass.

Sippy's have been filled. Diapers have been changed. Meals cooked. Snacks made. House tidied (no way it's getting actually cleaned). Several hugs, several kisses, several break downs, & several tears have come and gone. 

I look around...

& all I can see is happy children. 

& all I can hear is "Mommy play. Mommy mommy mommy. I want you to help me. Mommy I want drink. Mommy I need you. Mommy mommy mommy."

& all I can feel is gratitude. Pure gratitude. 

I start and end my day in exhaustion. But somewhere in the middle, sometime during all the errands, mommy tasks, wife tasks, and life tasks- I find enjoyment. I find peace. I find perseverance. I find happiness. I find self worth. I find the reason for it all. 

& everything I do, I know I'll do tomorrow. 

& there are days when my days seem insignificant...when I'm not bringing home a paycheck and no one tells me what a good job I'm doing. I don't get promotions. I don't get vacation days. No one thanks me for the meal I worked hard on. No one thanks me for the laundry I washed and folded. No one thanks me for changing diapers, making bottles, or rocking them to sleep. There are days when I don't feel like anyone knows what I do to keep this house running the way it should. 

& then my children smile at me. They crawl into my lap. J gives me Eskimo kisses. Jessa clings to me like someone's trying to yank her away. & Joey, my sweet little man, he leans his head into my chest and looks up with just his four little teeth shining...and with that look, those actions, I realize they're saying , "Thank you mom."

& everything I thought was insignificant vanishes in that moment. Because nothing- not one word, one kiss, one bottle made or one meal cooked- not one thing I do as a mother is insignificant.

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

Hi Jesus, I love you!

Recently, my sweet J has decided that she wants to talk to Jesus. She tells him, "Hi, Jesus! I wuv you!" everytime we walk outside. I'll hear her playing in the playroom and just giggling and I'll ask, "What are you doing Jorgia?" The answer is usually the same (unless Jessa is playing with her) "Playing with Jesus momma. You come?" The best Jesus moment however, was definitely when she told her daddy, "I'm going to go tickle Jesus!" (Procedes to run away with tickle monster gloves on). 

Why am I telling you this? 

Because it's amazing. 

She's talking to Jesus. 

I don't care what she's saying, and neither does he. I guarantee you, all of the words and phrases she says right now that I can't fully understand - he does. And I have no idea what he says to her because she can't tell me. But what I do know, is that my daughter will be 2 in 2 weeks, & I'm in complete and utter awe at her child sized faith. 

From the moment we found out I was pregnant, the very night, Joe prayed. He prayed for me all day and he prayed to my stomach and for our "Jbaby". He prayed for many things and has continued to pray for many things during our sweet babies lives but he always ends with, "....and we pray that these children run to you and become men & women of God." Everytime. 

I'm not saying J is like this simply because we prayed. That wouldn't be true. I know that she's like this because of our actions. But, watching J, it is pretty obvious to me that my 2 year old (might as well call her that!) has stronger faith than I. 

What? Did I just say that??? 

Yes, I did. No error. You read that right. 

More faith than me? Yes. 

Why? Because I've spent my entire life at church. I've spent my entire life hearing bible verses, being prayed to, being prayed for, going to church camps, youth groups, and having God's word chirped in my ear. And although this has happened, I strayed. And although this has happened, I only recently started talking to God like he was a person. Just talking to him daily as I would any other person. 

And here she is, my sweet J, beginning her relationship with The Lord. And talking to Jesus more than I am. 

And I know, I know, relationships with God are not a competition. 

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I look up to my daughter. 

That faith, that faith to trust me, to trust her father to lead her in the right direction, to trust us when we tell her that He is good, that faith is flawless. That faith is beautiful. That is the faith I strive for. 

& really, isn't that the type of faith we should all strive for? A faith that is not shaken, that doesn't question, only wants more. More knowledge, more worship, more of Him. 

One day she might ask questions, wonder, stray. But here's what I know - it's not my job to raise a Christian child. It's my job to model how a Christian woman should be. What they choose later in life will be completely up to them. But I will be encouraging her faith along the way, guiding her. So that when the day comes that her faith does raise a question, she can stand firm. 

I'll remind her of these days for the rest of her life. How her child faith inspired me to keep going, keep reaching, keep learning. 

I am incredibly blessed to be her momma. I can not wait to see what God had planned for her. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

Turkey Meatloaf Muffins

Okay people, before you totally disregard this recipe as I previously would have - I'm telling you, TRY IT. 

I have never, I repeat, never tried a turkey meatloaf recipe that was even decently to my liking. Until tonight. 

I'm honestly not sure if I'll even go back to beef because of how much my crew enjoyed this recipe! I had a pound of ground turkey & I really just wasn't in the mood for Mexican food (what I usually use ground turkey for). So I stepped outside my cooking comfort box & made this. So, so, so, so, so, so, so glad. & as always, this recipe is toddler approved :) 

Are you ready for the best turkey meatloaf ever? Hope so, cause here it is! 

Ingredients: 

1 lb ground turkey 

1 can rotel 

2 eggs

1 1/4 cup quick cooking oats

4 tsp beef bouillon 

8 tsp minced onion 

1 tsp onion powder 

1/4 tsp minced garlic 

Directions: 

--Preheat to 375 degrees. 

1. Combine all listed ingredients and mix well. As my J says, "Work it girl! Work it!" -You want to work that meat mixture until it's totally combined! She's my favorite cheerleader :) 

2. Once your ingredients are well mixed, grab a little from the mix & roll into a ball. Put in a muffin tin. (I didn't measure the size of my "muffins" I just put them in and they reached the top of the muffin tin). My mix made 12 perfectly sized "muffins".

3. Bake for 40 minutes. 

4. Top with ketchup glaze of choice. 

5. Bake for additional 10 minutes. 

Enjoy! 

Try this, doooooo it! 

If you still need to be convinced, here are the nutritional facts from this recipe- before ketchup glaze. This is for 1 muffin! 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

Supermom Doesn't Live Here

I've been made fun of many times for the schedule I keep my household running on. I've been judged for choosing not to breastfeed my twins. I've been given the look (you know the look) at parks while my toddler screams for a drink of soda she's not getting. I've hid in the bathroom to enjoy a fudge round by myself. I don't cosleep. Some of you who are reading this have just lost interest in this blog because you're reading that in actuality, I'm no supermom. 

Supermom. I hear that comment daily. & although, yes, it's a compliment. It's also a burden. Yes, it's a burden. Who can live up to that? Not me. I yell. I cry. I play. I question. I love. Just like you. 

Are you supermom? What makes a mother a supermom? 

Is it because I have 3 kids under the age of 2? That can't be it. There's probably thousands of mothers who have kids this way. 

Is it because I do planned activities with my babies? That can't be it. There's also thousands of mothers who do this. 

There's also thousands of mothers who work all day long and come home after a long day and still try and interact with their babies educationally. Exhausted. Frustrated. But present. They look forward to those few hours all day at work. Are they supermom? 

I can tell you this- not once have I heard a working mother be called a supermom. Not once. 

Do they not love their kids just as much as a mother who stays home? Do they not juggle the same amount of motherly chores, wifely duties, and life stress as mothers who stay home? 

I'm really wondering what YOU define supermom as? 

Because I can tell you, supermom doesn't live in this house. 

A real mom does. A mom who loves. A mom who yells. A mom who plays. A mom who sleeps. A mom who dreams of her prepregnancy body & who has not fully accepted the marks my sweet babies left behind. A mom who does no cosleep. A mom who does not breastfeed. A real mom lives here. A mom with flaws, dreams, and fears. 

A mom who does her best every day to keep it together. 

Supermom doesn't live here. I don't believe she lives anywhere. But I do believe there are super moms that love everywhere. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Fall Plans

So, in the fall I'm planning on working with J and my babies. I do daily but for J, I'm ready for set lessons/activities. A friend of mine is planning on doing this as well, she's the one who approached me about it! We will work with our girls & get together with them for more learning opportunities. She has a teaching background so educational play is very important to her & her family as well. We don't have set plans yet but we have discussed a few things. I'm a total freak about planning so I already emailed her a "unit" plan. She is coming up with things as well so it will be a group effort. I just want to get your minds thinking about our plans so that if you're looking for something for your sweetie, maybe you can get ideas from my weekly post about our "homeschool". 

This is not school. Our kids are not "school age". But any age, is learning age! & we're taking full advantage. 

I couldn't find a curriculum I liked. & frankly, I don't like "curriculums" because I don't like being bound to only certain things. But, I do like having a plan. So I write it out curriculum style and go with the flow as time passes. Each week, I'll load my plan & let you know what did/didn't go as planned. I browsed Pinterest, Google, bing, and all over the internet to get ideas and start thinking and have a great first couple of weeks lined up already. Are you ready for a brief glimpse? Read on. 

----

Here's how our week will look: 

One day I will have moms group. Two days we will work intentionally on activities/subjects/projects. And two days will be free days but I will have manipulatives that are topic related set out. She'll also have the option of these manipulatives the day we have moms group, but moms group usually takes up our entire morning with travel, play, naps, etc. So that's the basic breakdown. 

Here's an example of topic/activities:

Topic - Creation - "Self & Environmental Awareness" 

Examples of we will do for activities/projects: 

-nature walks

-visit zoo and/or aquarium

-grow plants

-discuss friends

-discuss families 

-books related to self, family, nature, etc.  

-cook family recipes 

-discuss feelings

-discuss body parts

----

I have certain objectives I want to meet for J. I will share those & a more detailed plan with activity/projects when I share the full schedule. Here's the thing, just like I modified ideas and plans to make this, you can modify my plans to make yours. Every child needs different learning opportunities and different objectives depending on their developmental level. Use these, tweek these, omit these. Whatever fits your family. I'd love to see you do some of my plans with your littles so if you do decide to, make sure and tag me @harmonhousewife on Instagram or post to my Facebook page directly.

So my twin sweeties won't be ready for set lessons in the fall. & that's exactly why each week I will post a bonus section with play ideas for 6-12 month olds. 

I do hope you'll follow our year & hopefully get some ideas or at least your creative juices flowing! 

XOXOX,

Harmon Housewife

About This Blog

If you follow my blog & wonder why I don't post too often...I have 3 kids. Under the age of 2. 

Speaks for itself. 

I also don't enjoy blogging unless I'm really feeling the topic tug at my heart. The words flow out when I wait to be inspired & I think that helps it to be more relatable. Not everyone will agree with my views, not everyone will agree with my parenting. But I am completely sure that when a topic tugs at my heart & I write about it- someone needed to read it. 

Other things I write about are activities I do with J. We're still doing activities but I'm really waiting until August so that I can share my 2 year old curriculum with you week by week. I found many that I like online but couldn't find the right fit, probably bc I'm a nitpicky ex-teacher. So I created my own. & I can't wait to share it with you. I'll also be giving you ideas to occupy the other babies during the time you'd need to work with your 2 year old. Stay tuned, I've got a fantastic plan for the fall! 

& then, of course, I write about recipes I make for my family. Obviously, I've been cooking for them but again, 3 kids under 2. Give me a break! 

You won't find daily updates here. 

You will find parenting. You will find mistakes. You will find comfort. You will find that like many moms, I'm always wondering if I'm doing this motherhood thing right. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Don't Forget to Remember You

There's this feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I leave my house alone. The feeling that I'm abandoning my babies. The feeling that they'll miss me. The feeling that I'm abandoning my husband. The feeling that my house can't run without me. The feeling that I'm selfish for going anywhere alone. 

I have this need to know what's going on almost as soon as I leave. I demand pictures. If I call & you don't answer, I'll keep calling until you do. & even if I gave you a 45 minute spill on what needs to be done, who needs to be fed, where the medicine is, what they can/can't do, and where all their favorite things are- I promise I'll think of something I forgot. And then I'll proceed to call you again. 

And even when you tell me everything's fine, I'll still have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that you're not doing something right. That you're not doing it how I would do it. You don't know if that's Jessa's hurt cry or her hungry cry. You don't know that you need to make sure that J gets her meat before her veggies & fruit or she won't eat the meat. & you definitely don't know that Joey won't nap unless you hold him. 

So this feeling, this terrible anxiety, guilt, frustration, and sadness all mixed into one. This feeling, it doesn't go away. It sits there and it gets quieter as each mile passes but it doesn't go away. It's not supposed to. 

Is this how you feel too Mommy? Is hard for you to leave because of this feeling? 

Go anyway. 

Yes, this is a terrible feeling. But that doesn't mean it's bad. It means, you're an amazing mother. 

Amazing mothers, need time to be amazing women. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing wife. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing friends. And amazing mothers, need time to remember they're amazing. 

You need to go to that workout class to let some steam out. You need to go to dinner with your friends so you can remember what it's like to eat hot food, to dress up and feel pretty. You need to be taken out on a date by your husband to remember the spark you have. He may need to be reminded too. 

Your children will always come first, always. But it's ok to leave them in trusted hands so you can take care of yourself too. It's ok to let a baby cry so you can shower. It's ok to love yourself. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

So, when you get the feeling, remember why you're leaving. Remember the great feeling that comes when you're heading home. Remember the feeling that comes over you when your child runs to you like they haven't seen you in years. Remember the patience that will be restored in you. Remember the happiness you feel to be back home caring for your babies. The happiness that was wearing thin because you were preoccupied with sippy's, bad dreams, spills, and horrible fits. When you get that feeling, think of everything you will gain from remembering all the things you are aside from being a mother. 

Being a mother is the most important, rewarding, and challenging duty you will ever have. But sometimes, you need time to remember that. Because it's so easy to forget. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

Jessa

My only baby who looks like me. 

At first, you were always so serious. I was curious to when you'd smile. & one day you did, and then you never stopped. 

I've since learned that's just you. 

You don't want help. You don't want to be held all day. You want freedom. But, you still want momma. 

You want to play without being bothered. You want to pick your own self up when you fall. You want to explore alone. But you still want momma. 

You are beautiful. You are strong, you are determined. You are fun. You are a challenge. 

My biggest challenge thus far as a mother is you. I'm learning how to balance being your momma and being your sidekick. I know you need both, but learning when to be what is hard. 

I want to save you all the time. I want to cuddle you during nap even though you sleep better without me. I want to run to you when you fall over even thought you don't cry. I want to be your momma, but I'm learning all you need is a sidekick. 

When you need momma, you'll let me know. And I'll be there, waiting. I can be your sidekick because that's what you need. But even when you don't know it, you need momma too. 

You need the kisses you don't ask for. You need the cuddles during naps that you don't seem to like. You need to know that when you fall, I'll always run to you. 

Jessa, you are strong. But it's okay to be weak. You are determined, but it's okay to let loose. & Jessa, you are a challenge. But it's okay because I needed one. 

So I'll be here. No matter what title you need, I'll be here. 

& no matter what title you ask me to be, I'll always be momma too. 

XOXOX, 

Momma. 

What I Want My Kids to Know About Daddy

1. He leads this home.

-He is the leader in this house and I am his equal. Wait...how's that work? Simple. I trust Daddy with any and all aspects of our life. Daddy respects my opinions, concerns, and decisions. However, if Daddy needs to make a life decision and can't consult with me before doing so, I trust him. If Daddy doesn't agree with my opinion, I trust him. We are different people who see things differently, but ultimately, we want the same thing for each of you and our family. I stand beside him at all times. I will not be against Daddy in any choice he makes, I am on his team. I stand beside him. & together, we stand by you. 

2. He is not Superman.

-Daddy does not have super strength. Daddy does not fly. Daddy is human. He will make mistakes, he will get tired, he will not always be able to save you. But he will try. Daddy will do anything he can do to keep you from harms way, to lead you in the right direction, to keep you happy. But in the end, Daddy's job is not to save you, it is to teach you how to save yourself. He will be your right hand man, your side kick, your biggest supporter, and your shoulder to lean on. But Daddy will also be the one who pushes you to your limit, who challenges you to be better, and who helps you pick up the pieces when things seem unfixable. Daddy is not Superman, but he is the closest thing to it that you will find here on earth.

3. He was there.

-Daddy was there. During the 30 hours of labor, during the c section, during the pregnancies, during the sleepless newborn nights, he was there. Not only was he there, but he held my hand and helped me move forward when I wanted to stop. When I didn't want to push anymore, he told me to keep going. When we did a rushed c section, he was my peace. When I couldn't walk, couldn't get up, when I couldn't do anything but lay down after a long day during the pregnancies, he was there. He was there during night time feedings, he was there to comfort you, he was there to comfort me. Daddy is gone a lot because Daddy works to give us everything. But we are his number one priority. Daddy wants to be with us every day but he can't. So Daddy has trusted me to keep you, care for you, teach you. Just because you can't see Daddy doesn't mean he's not there. He's calling, he's texting, he's face timing. All while doing his job. Daddy works outside this home & Daddy works inside this home. So when you look back at the pictures of our days & ask "Where's Daddy?" I'll tell you, he was there. Because Daddy is & always will be there.

4. He is not just Daddy. 

-He is a husband. He is a son. He is a brother. He is a friend. He is a person. Eventually you will learn who Daddy is outside of Daddy. But until then, I will remind you. You come first, but Daddy still has to take care of Daddy. & when you're upset because Daddy isn't home, I will remind you that Daddy is not only ours. I will remind you that in addition to all Daddy does for us and others, Daddy needs to do things for himself as well. I will remind you that Daddy deserves things for himself. I will remind you that Daddy is first "Daddy" but also that he is much, much more. & I will remind you, that if Daddy had to choose 1 place to be for the rest of his life, it would be next to you. 

5. Daddy will never be enough. 

-Daddy will try to give you everything your small hearts desire. Daddy will try to keep you happy, Daddy will try to keep you safe, & Daddy will try to be all you need. But Daddy will never be enough. Only one person will ever be able to never fail you, Jesus. Luckily for you, Daddy has a close personal relationship with Jesus. Daddy will show you how you can have a close personal relationship with him too. So that when the time comes when Daddy is not enough, Jesus will be. 

I want you to know so many things about Daddy that I feel are important. I want you to know he is funny, he is smart, he is kind, he is handsome, and that he is rare. I will always remind you that many others do not have a Daddy like yours, I will always remind you that many would give anything to have a Daddy like yours, I will always remind you that Daddy is irreplaceable. 

It's important for you to know much more about Daddy than just his title that you gave him. You are lucky to have him and we are lucky to have each of you. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

I Was Wrong

My daughter slapped me across the face yesterday. Literally, slapped me across the face. I was pissed. I looked at her like I was in pure crazy mode & the surprise on her face shut my crazy down in a hurry. I was going to yell. I was going to grab that same hand that slapped my face and drag her to time out. I was pissed. But when I saw that look upon her face, all I suddenly felt was guilt. 

Moments leading up to this my twins were crying uncontrollably. I was spit up on. I had gotten poop on my hand while changing a diaper. & it was Friday. The all time slowest day of my week. She wanted to read. I wanted to sit and hold babies who hadn't stopped crying for 25 minutes because I needed my sanity, I needed happiness. I said, "Mommy can not hold and read to you right now. I need to help your bubbie and sissy." SLAPPPP!

I couldn't believe it. I was in shock, I was infuriated, I was hurt, I was in an element unknown to anyone except a mother. I looked at her face and all I saw was my baby who needed me. 

I did tell her we DO NOT hit. But then I asked the question, "Why? Why did you hit mommy?" 

"I want to read."

I told her we don't always get what we want. We have to have patience. We have to be respectful of the time of others. We have to be loving. We have to use gentle hands and kind words. We have to share mommy. 

I lost it there. I started crying and I hugged my usually sweet J. She never asked to have to share me. That was a choice I made. That was a choice my husband made. But she, she did not make that choice. 

She has no idea why I can't do everything at all times for her. Although she is always trying to care for her bubbie and sissy, she is human. Humans have breaking points. Humans have feelings. Humans have needs. I have not been meeting her needs. 

This is not one instance where I can totally know this. Once I starting thinking, I realized how incompetent as her mother I've been. She's always asking for other people. Daddy, Nonnie, Papa, Papi...I hated it. But she wanted me there. If I left, she asked about me. Wanted me. But if I was there, she wouldn't play with me. But I knew why she played with them, she gets undivided attention. No one is rushing off to clean spit up off the floor. They don't sit in a chair and rock babies while she plays alone. I knew why, I just put it in the back of my mind and buried it. Because I was doing what I needed to do. I was trying. & until yesterday, that was enough for me.

I told myself that when Joe came home, she needed time with him. She needed his attention because I gave her mine intermittently throughout the day. 

I was wrong. 

She needs my attention because intermittently isn't enough. She deserves more. She deserves a mother who showers her with love, with attention, with kindness. I tell her I love her, I do things for and with her. But I am not always kind, I am worn out on most days and I lose my temper when I shouldn't. I am not always able to show full attention. & I expected her to understand for someone unknown reason. I was wrong. 

Here's the thing about explaining to your 2 (almost) year old that you were wrong: you can't. She doesn't understand. She understands I'm sorry, which I did say. But she will never understand how much guilt or just how sorry I actually am until she is a mother. But what she can understand are my actions. She watches my every move. She wants to be me. She cooks, she cleans, she cares for babies, she loves. She loves me so much and all I saw was her wanting others. I didn't see a heart that was aching for mommy. 

I see it now beautiful girl, I see it now. 

Today, I did not baby wear and push a stroller while she walked with Joe at the museum. I walked and we talked. We looked at the flowers and we looked at the art. We spent time, undivided time. Today, I did not sit with the twins while at the splash pad while Joe took her to play.  I played. We had fun. We had so much fun. She hugged me for no reason. She told me, "Mommy awesome!". Which in her tiny vocabulary means, "Mommy you are awesome." My heart could've burst. 

Tomorrow, I will take time just for her. The next day, I will do it again. & the day after that. & the day after that. You see, I was wrong. I was totally and completely wrong. But I did not fail. Failing would mean I gave up. Failing would mean that I do not admit my shortcomings as a mother. Failing would imply that I am not willing to change. 

I was wrong, but I can fix this. She might remember all the times I'm wrong as her mother, but I know she'll also remember how I came back from it. If all I can teach her from my shortcomings is how to come back from them, I think that's a pretty good lesson. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

From This Anniversary to Our Last

Three years ago, I was getting ready to marry my smokin' hot husband. I was dreaming about his face as I would walk down the aisle in the most amazing dress I had tried on. I was thinking about the week we would spend in Jamaica. I was thinking about all that life would bring us in the future. I was smitten. I was crazy in love. I was hopeful. 

Today, I am in workout clothes.. I'm wearing my usual ponytail with my usual clean, no makeup face. I am thinking about how that trip in Jamaica was the last time I'll ever wear a bikini on the beach. Today, I am in the present, that was once our future. I am still smitten. I am still crazy in love. & I am still hopeful. 

I am still smitten with the boy I fell in love with. I am smitten with the man he has become. I still get butterflies when he kisses me. I still get excited when he's in his way to see me from work. I still look forward to just being in his presence. I am still smitten with all he was and all that he is. 

I am still crazy in love with the boy I married. I am crazy in love with the man he has become. This man, who is everything and more that I need him to be. I still love when he asks me on a date. I still love when he texts or calls me randomly in the middle of the day to tell me I'm pretty. I am still crazy in love with all that he was and all that he is. 

I am still hopeful of what our future will bring. I am hopeful every day. I am surprised each year by what has come, what has gone, and what we have planned. My dreams, his dreams, mending into our dreams. 

The people we were, we no longer know. I have fallen in love with the man I am married to today. I continue to fall in love with who he is each day. Today, he is a father, a man with a growing career, a Godly man, a caring man, my man. Tomorrow, I do not know what he will be. But I do know this to be true, he will always be my man. I will continue to pursue who he is each day, so that I may love him each day in new ways. 

We have been on the fast track from day 1. Two weeks after being together, we said "I love you." Soon after, we knew it was forever. Four months after marriage, we found out we were expecting our sweet J. & here we are, the day of our third anniversary, with three amazing children. 

What was on once 2, became 5. The life we've built, the laughs we have shared, the love we have is what makes my life so wonderful. I will always love him from this anniversary to our last. 

Proof I'm lucky:

A picture of tonight's date after all the fun things he planned for me today. Surprised me with a full day off, Skyzone, Los Cabos for lunch, 4 mile bike ride along riverside, then dinner :)

XOXOX,

Harmon Housewife