Living in the Moment

Lately, I've felt tremendously overwhelmed. I've been a horrible blogger. I've been so preoccupied that I honestly haven't even had anything to write about! 

But today, I feel the need to write about something that I'm really, really, really struggling with. Myself. 

It's hard to be everything three small kids need, my husband needs, my family needs, my friends need...myself needs. I've been feeling that all anyone wants from me is to give, give, give. I give. I've given all I can. & I've given out. 

I'm at this point to where if I don't do something, anything, just for me, I really think I might lose it! So, I've recently started waking up at 5 am (most days, when I don't turn my alarm off) to get 2 hours of time to myself. Work out, quiet time, me time. It has made my days entirely   better but I'm still feeling lost in my ever-long to do list, mommy duties, wife duties, and life duties. 

I'm not quite sure when I lost myself but I'm guessing it was somewhere in between diaper changes, trying to make family events/friend parties, & trying to be everything to everyone.

So, I want...no, I need to break away from the chaos outside of my home. I'm going to be a pretty bad friend for awhile. I'm considering deleting my social media accounts, temporarily, possibly permenately depending on if this helps my anxiety levels. 

I'll keep my play dates and my mommy groups, but I won't feel bad if I have to cancel. If I feel up to going, I'll go. If not, I won't. I refuse to be bound by obligation to unnecessary things. 

I'm obligated to my family, which is why I try to be everything. But I'm one person. I'm one person on the verge of having a serious meltdown if anything else comes my way. I'm getting rid of the noise outside of my enjoyable obligations. I want to be a mother. I want to be a wife. But I don't have to be a baby shower planner. I don't have to go to girls night. I don't have to keep every single play date/group. Those are choices. There is no choice for me in being a wife and a mother, that's natural. I wouldn't give that up on my worst day. 

I know I'll keep blogging because this blog is for me, it's also for others who can relate or just enjoy different views on aspects of life. I can't promise I'll blog often but I won't stop. But I've got to stop being so distracted by the world & everything in it, that I just feel lost. I'm taking a journey to say, "No". To declutter my life & the constant state of movement it's in. I'm saying no to busy. & I'm saying YES to life in the moment. 

XOXOX,

Harmon Housewife