About This Blog

If you follow my blog & wonder why I don't post too often...I have 3 kids. Under the age of 2. 

Speaks for itself. 

I also don't enjoy blogging unless I'm really feeling the topic tug at my heart. The words flow out when I wait to be inspired & I think that helps it to be more relatable. Not everyone will agree with my views, not everyone will agree with my parenting. But I am completely sure that when a topic tugs at my heart & I write about it- someone needed to read it. 

Other things I write about are activities I do with J. We're still doing activities but I'm really waiting until August so that I can share my 2 year old curriculum with you week by week. I found many that I like online but couldn't find the right fit, probably bc I'm a nitpicky ex-teacher. So I created my own. & I can't wait to share it with you. I'll also be giving you ideas to occupy the other babies during the time you'd need to work with your 2 year old. Stay tuned, I've got a fantastic plan for the fall! 

& then, of course, I write about recipes I make for my family. Obviously, I've been cooking for them but again, 3 kids under 2. Give me a break! 

You won't find daily updates here. 

You will find parenting. You will find mistakes. You will find comfort. You will find that like many moms, I'm always wondering if I'm doing this motherhood thing right. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

Don't Forget to Remember You

There's this feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I leave my house alone. The feeling that I'm abandoning my babies. The feeling that they'll miss me. The feeling that I'm abandoning my husband. The feeling that my house can't run without me. The feeling that I'm selfish for going anywhere alone. 

I have this need to know what's going on almost as soon as I leave. I demand pictures. If I call & you don't answer, I'll keep calling until you do. & even if I gave you a 45 minute spill on what needs to be done, who needs to be fed, where the medicine is, what they can/can't do, and where all their favorite things are- I promise I'll think of something I forgot. And then I'll proceed to call you again. 

And even when you tell me everything's fine, I'll still have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that you're not doing something right. That you're not doing it how I would do it. You don't know if that's Jessa's hurt cry or her hungry cry. You don't know that you need to make sure that J gets her meat before her veggies & fruit or she won't eat the meat. & you definitely don't know that Joey won't nap unless you hold him. 

So this feeling, this terrible anxiety, guilt, frustration, and sadness all mixed into one. This feeling, it doesn't go away. It sits there and it gets quieter as each mile passes but it doesn't go away. It's not supposed to. 

Is this how you feel too Mommy? Is hard for you to leave because of this feeling? 

Go anyway. 

Yes, this is a terrible feeling. But that doesn't mean it's bad. It means, you're an amazing mother. 

Amazing mothers, need time to be amazing women. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing wife. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing friends. And amazing mothers, need time to remember they're amazing. 

You need to go to that workout class to let some steam out. You need to go to dinner with your friends so you can remember what it's like to eat hot food, to dress up and feel pretty. You need to be taken out on a date by your husband to remember the spark you have. He may need to be reminded too. 

Your children will always come first, always. But it's ok to leave them in trusted hands so you can take care of yourself too. It's ok to let a baby cry so you can shower. It's ok to love yourself. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

So, when you get the feeling, remember why you're leaving. Remember the great feeling that comes when you're heading home. Remember the feeling that comes over you when your child runs to you like they haven't seen you in years. Remember the patience that will be restored in you. Remember the happiness you feel to be back home caring for your babies. The happiness that was wearing thin because you were preoccupied with sippy's, bad dreams, spills, and horrible fits. When you get that feeling, think of everything you will gain from remembering all the things you are aside from being a mother. 

Being a mother is the most important, rewarding, and challenging duty you will ever have. But sometimes, you need time to remember that. Because it's so easy to forget. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife 

Jessa

My only baby who looks like me. 

At first, you were always so serious. I was curious to when you'd smile. & one day you did, and then you never stopped. 

I've since learned that's just you. 

You don't want help. You don't want to be held all day. You want freedom. But, you still want momma. 

You want to play without being bothered. You want to pick your own self up when you fall. You want to explore alone. But you still want momma. 

You are beautiful. You are strong, you are determined. You are fun. You are a challenge. 

My biggest challenge thus far as a mother is you. I'm learning how to balance being your momma and being your sidekick. I know you need both, but learning when to be what is hard. 

I want to save you all the time. I want to cuddle you during nap even though you sleep better without me. I want to run to you when you fall over even thought you don't cry. I want to be your momma, but I'm learning all you need is a sidekick. 

When you need momma, you'll let me know. And I'll be there, waiting. I can be your sidekick because that's what you need. But even when you don't know it, you need momma too. 

You need the kisses you don't ask for. You need the cuddles during naps that you don't seem to like. You need to know that when you fall, I'll always run to you. 

Jessa, you are strong. But it's okay to be weak. You are determined, but it's okay to let loose. & Jessa, you are a challenge. But it's okay because I needed one. 

So I'll be here. No matter what title you need, I'll be here. 

& no matter what title you ask me to be, I'll always be momma too. 

XOXOX, 

Momma. 

What I Want My Kids to Know About Daddy

1. He leads this home.

-He is the leader in this house and I am his equal. Wait...how's that work? Simple. I trust Daddy with any and all aspects of our life. Daddy respects my opinions, concerns, and decisions. However, if Daddy needs to make a life decision and can't consult with me before doing so, I trust him. If Daddy doesn't agree with my opinion, I trust him. We are different people who see things differently, but ultimately, we want the same thing for each of you and our family. I stand beside him at all times. I will not be against Daddy in any choice he makes, I am on his team. I stand beside him. & together, we stand by you. 

2. He is not Superman.

-Daddy does not have super strength. Daddy does not fly. Daddy is human. He will make mistakes, he will get tired, he will not always be able to save you. But he will try. Daddy will do anything he can do to keep you from harms way, to lead you in the right direction, to keep you happy. But in the end, Daddy's job is not to save you, it is to teach you how to save yourself. He will be your right hand man, your side kick, your biggest supporter, and your shoulder to lean on. But Daddy will also be the one who pushes you to your limit, who challenges you to be better, and who helps you pick up the pieces when things seem unfixable. Daddy is not Superman, but he is the closest thing to it that you will find here on earth.

3. He was there.

-Daddy was there. During the 30 hours of labor, during the c section, during the pregnancies, during the sleepless newborn nights, he was there. Not only was he there, but he held my hand and helped me move forward when I wanted to stop. When I didn't want to push anymore, he told me to keep going. When we did a rushed c section, he was my peace. When I couldn't walk, couldn't get up, when I couldn't do anything but lay down after a long day during the pregnancies, he was there. He was there during night time feedings, he was there to comfort you, he was there to comfort me. Daddy is gone a lot because Daddy works to give us everything. But we are his number one priority. Daddy wants to be with us every day but he can't. So Daddy has trusted me to keep you, care for you, teach you. Just because you can't see Daddy doesn't mean he's not there. He's calling, he's texting, he's face timing. All while doing his job. Daddy works outside this home & Daddy works inside this home. So when you look back at the pictures of our days & ask "Where's Daddy?" I'll tell you, he was there. Because Daddy is & always will be there.

4. He is not just Daddy. 

-He is a husband. He is a son. He is a brother. He is a friend. He is a person. Eventually you will learn who Daddy is outside of Daddy. But until then, I will remind you. You come first, but Daddy still has to take care of Daddy. & when you're upset because Daddy isn't home, I will remind you that Daddy is not only ours. I will remind you that in addition to all Daddy does for us and others, Daddy needs to do things for himself as well. I will remind you that Daddy deserves things for himself. I will remind you that Daddy is first "Daddy" but also that he is much, much more. & I will remind you, that if Daddy had to choose 1 place to be for the rest of his life, it would be next to you. 

5. Daddy will never be enough. 

-Daddy will try to give you everything your small hearts desire. Daddy will try to keep you happy, Daddy will try to keep you safe, & Daddy will try to be all you need. But Daddy will never be enough. Only one person will ever be able to never fail you, Jesus. Luckily for you, Daddy has a close personal relationship with Jesus. Daddy will show you how you can have a close personal relationship with him too. So that when the time comes when Daddy is not enough, Jesus will be. 

I want you to know so many things about Daddy that I feel are important. I want you to know he is funny, he is smart, he is kind, he is handsome, and that he is rare. I will always remind you that many others do not have a Daddy like yours, I will always remind you that many would give anything to have a Daddy like yours, I will always remind you that Daddy is irreplaceable. 

It's important for you to know much more about Daddy than just his title that you gave him. You are lucky to have him and we are lucky to have each of you. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

I Was Wrong

My daughter slapped me across the face yesterday. Literally, slapped me across the face. I was pissed. I looked at her like I was in pure crazy mode & the surprise on her face shut my crazy down in a hurry. I was going to yell. I was going to grab that same hand that slapped my face and drag her to time out. I was pissed. But when I saw that look upon her face, all I suddenly felt was guilt. 

Moments leading up to this my twins were crying uncontrollably. I was spit up on. I had gotten poop on my hand while changing a diaper. & it was Friday. The all time slowest day of my week. She wanted to read. I wanted to sit and hold babies who hadn't stopped crying for 25 minutes because I needed my sanity, I needed happiness. I said, "Mommy can not hold and read to you right now. I need to help your bubbie and sissy." SLAPPPP!

I couldn't believe it. I was in shock, I was infuriated, I was hurt, I was in an element unknown to anyone except a mother. I looked at her face and all I saw was my baby who needed me. 

I did tell her we DO NOT hit. But then I asked the question, "Why? Why did you hit mommy?" 

"I want to read."

I told her we don't always get what we want. We have to have patience. We have to be respectful of the time of others. We have to be loving. We have to use gentle hands and kind words. We have to share mommy. 

I lost it there. I started crying and I hugged my usually sweet J. She never asked to have to share me. That was a choice I made. That was a choice my husband made. But she, she did not make that choice. 

She has no idea why I can't do everything at all times for her. Although she is always trying to care for her bubbie and sissy, she is human. Humans have breaking points. Humans have feelings. Humans have needs. I have not been meeting her needs. 

This is not one instance where I can totally know this. Once I starting thinking, I realized how incompetent as her mother I've been. She's always asking for other people. Daddy, Nonnie, Papa, Papi...I hated it. But she wanted me there. If I left, she asked about me. Wanted me. But if I was there, she wouldn't play with me. But I knew why she played with them, she gets undivided attention. No one is rushing off to clean spit up off the floor. They don't sit in a chair and rock babies while she plays alone. I knew why, I just put it in the back of my mind and buried it. Because I was doing what I needed to do. I was trying. & until yesterday, that was enough for me.

I told myself that when Joe came home, she needed time with him. She needed his attention because I gave her mine intermittently throughout the day. 

I was wrong. 

She needs my attention because intermittently isn't enough. She deserves more. She deserves a mother who showers her with love, with attention, with kindness. I tell her I love her, I do things for and with her. But I am not always kind, I am worn out on most days and I lose my temper when I shouldn't. I am not always able to show full attention. & I expected her to understand for someone unknown reason. I was wrong. 

Here's the thing about explaining to your 2 (almost) year old that you were wrong: you can't. She doesn't understand. She understands I'm sorry, which I did say. But she will never understand how much guilt or just how sorry I actually am until she is a mother. But what she can understand are my actions. She watches my every move. She wants to be me. She cooks, she cleans, she cares for babies, she loves. She loves me so much and all I saw was her wanting others. I didn't see a heart that was aching for mommy. 

I see it now beautiful girl, I see it now. 

Today, I did not baby wear and push a stroller while she walked with Joe at the museum. I walked and we talked. We looked at the flowers and we looked at the art. We spent time, undivided time. Today, I did not sit with the twins while at the splash pad while Joe took her to play.  I played. We had fun. We had so much fun. She hugged me for no reason. She told me, "Mommy awesome!". Which in her tiny vocabulary means, "Mommy you are awesome." My heart could've burst. 

Tomorrow, I will take time just for her. The next day, I will do it again. & the day after that. & the day after that. You see, I was wrong. I was totally and completely wrong. But I did not fail. Failing would mean I gave up. Failing would mean that I do not admit my shortcomings as a mother. Failing would imply that I am not willing to change. 

I was wrong, but I can fix this. She might remember all the times I'm wrong as her mother, but I know she'll also remember how I came back from it. If all I can teach her from my shortcomings is how to come back from them, I think that's a pretty good lesson. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife

From This Anniversary to Our Last

Three years ago, I was getting ready to marry my smokin' hot husband. I was dreaming about his face as I would walk down the aisle in the most amazing dress I had tried on. I was thinking about the week we would spend in Jamaica. I was thinking about all that life would bring us in the future. I was smitten. I was crazy in love. I was hopeful. 

Today, I am in workout clothes.. I'm wearing my usual ponytail with my usual clean, no makeup face. I am thinking about how that trip in Jamaica was the last time I'll ever wear a bikini on the beach. Today, I am in the present, that was once our future. I am still smitten. I am still crazy in love. & I am still hopeful. 

I am still smitten with the boy I fell in love with. I am smitten with the man he has become. I still get butterflies when he kisses me. I still get excited when he's in his way to see me from work. I still look forward to just being in his presence. I am still smitten with all he was and all that he is. 

I am still crazy in love with the boy I married. I am crazy in love with the man he has become. This man, who is everything and more that I need him to be. I still love when he asks me on a date. I still love when he texts or calls me randomly in the middle of the day to tell me I'm pretty. I am still crazy in love with all that he was and all that he is. 

I am still hopeful of what our future will bring. I am hopeful every day. I am surprised each year by what has come, what has gone, and what we have planned. My dreams, his dreams, mending into our dreams. 

The people we were, we no longer know. I have fallen in love with the man I am married to today. I continue to fall in love with who he is each day. Today, he is a father, a man with a growing career, a Godly man, a caring man, my man. Tomorrow, I do not know what he will be. But I do know this to be true, he will always be my man. I will continue to pursue who he is each day, so that I may love him each day in new ways. 

We have been on the fast track from day 1. Two weeks after being together, we said "I love you." Soon after, we knew it was forever. Four months after marriage, we found out we were expecting our sweet J. & here we are, the day of our third anniversary, with three amazing children. 

What was on once 2, became 5. The life we've built, the laughs we have shared, the love we have is what makes my life so wonderful. I will always love him from this anniversary to our last. 

Proof I'm lucky:

A picture of tonight's date after all the fun things he planned for me today. Surprised me with a full day off, Skyzone, Los Cabos for lunch, 4 mile bike ride along riverside, then dinner :)

XOXOX,

Harmon Housewife