Don't Forget to Remember You

There's this feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I leave my house alone. The feeling that I'm abandoning my babies. The feeling that they'll miss me. The feeling that I'm abandoning my husband. The feeling that my house can't run without me. The feeling that I'm selfish for going anywhere alone. 

I have this need to know what's going on almost as soon as I leave. I demand pictures. If I call & you don't answer, I'll keep calling until you do. & even if I gave you a 45 minute spill on what needs to be done, who needs to be fed, where the medicine is, what they can/can't do, and where all their favorite things are- I promise I'll think of something I forgot. And then I'll proceed to call you again. 

And even when you tell me everything's fine, I'll still have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that you're not doing something right. That you're not doing it how I would do it. You don't know if that's Jessa's hurt cry or her hungry cry. You don't know that you need to make sure that J gets her meat before her veggies & fruit or she won't eat the meat. & you definitely don't know that Joey won't nap unless you hold him. 

So this feeling, this terrible anxiety, guilt, frustration, and sadness all mixed into one. This feeling, it doesn't go away. It sits there and it gets quieter as each mile passes but it doesn't go away. It's not supposed to. 

Is this how you feel too Mommy? Is hard for you to leave because of this feeling? 

Go anyway. 

Yes, this is a terrible feeling. But that doesn't mean it's bad. It means, you're an amazing mother. 

Amazing mothers, need time to be amazing women. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing wife. Amazing mothers, need time to be an amazing friends. And amazing mothers, need time to remember they're amazing. 

You need to go to that workout class to let some steam out. You need to go to dinner with your friends so you can remember what it's like to eat hot food, to dress up and feel pretty. You need to be taken out on a date by your husband to remember the spark you have. He may need to be reminded too. 

Your children will always come first, always. But it's ok to leave them in trusted hands so you can take care of yourself too. It's ok to let a baby cry so you can shower. It's ok to love yourself. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

It's ok. 

So, when you get the feeling, remember why you're leaving. Remember the great feeling that comes when you're heading home. Remember the feeling that comes over you when your child runs to you like they haven't seen you in years. Remember the patience that will be restored in you. Remember the happiness you feel to be back home caring for your babies. The happiness that was wearing thin because you were preoccupied with sippy's, bad dreams, spills, and horrible fits. When you get that feeling, think of everything you will gain from remembering all the things you are aside from being a mother. 

Being a mother is the most important, rewarding, and challenging duty you will ever have. But sometimes, you need time to remember that. Because it's so easy to forget. 

XOXOX, 

Harmon Housewife