This is my Jessa at 5:30 AM. I mean, I can't even handle the cuteness! We're just up chit chattin about life and bein best friends...as I sit here with this sweetie, I start thinking about something Joe said last night.
- "The only thing I don't like about having twins is you don't get much time with either." -
I can't say I never thought this, but I don't think I've ever said it out loud. Sometimes I think moms are embarrassed to admit something like that, showing more attention to certain kids than others. But honestly, that's just how it is. When you have one child, you don't worry about spending time with them, it happens naturally. When you have three, it takes effort to make sure they get your individual attention at times. When you have twins AND a toddler, you have to choose your time wisely.
There are times throughout my day when I HAVE to let my twins cry. When I know they've been fed, diapered, and are okay...I have to spend time with J. Most of the time the twins will relax and enjoy some tummy time while we play but, like any 2 month old, sometimes they just want momma. The baby back pack has become a necessity of mine these days! But my kids know they're loved and know mommy stops to help or listen when needed. With two babies in my hand, when my toddler needs a drink or hands me a crown to wear, I do it. But at the end of the day, I'm worn down. & Here are 3 things I wish someone told me about having twins (or more children):
1. It's ok to not have it all together.
--I can't tell you how much pressure there is to have it all together. But I don't. & sometimes I have a magical day where dinners on the table right as Joe comes in, I've fed the babies, and J isn't throwing a fit. But most days? I'm handing Joe a bottle & a baby as he walks in, I've got a baby in my arms and a toddler "helping me cook", I'm covered in spit up and my hair is in a ponytail. & makeup? Just no. But all the kids are alive, happy, and loved. That's what matters.
2. Its not as scary as you think.
--I can't tell you how many times people said, "You'll have your hands full." Or something similar to that statement....& what did I think EVERYtime? "OBVIOUSLY." I do understand people aren't meaning to sound annoying but that's pretty much how it comes off. Be an encourager. The chances are, anyone becoming a twin mother or a mother for the 2nd, third, fourth time already has fears of her own. But the one thing I knew every time someone said that to me, yes, I will have my hands full but YES, God chose me to be their mother. Do you know how many people want twins? (I never did until I had them.) but here I am, 23 years old (at the time), and twins came naturally to us without a struggle of infertility or complications during pregnancy. That in itself is a blessing. If you're expecting a second child or twins, it's not as scary as you think. You will make it through, and you will be okay.
3. Each child is different.
--& yes this applies to twins. We had a few minor scares with my sweet Joey at the beginning of his life. There were a lot of doctor visits, tears, and worries for us about his health and future health. But now, he's perfectly healthy! & still 1-2 lbs less than Jessa. I constantly remind myself not to compare them. Many people assume twins do everything the same & together. False. They're different people and so are each of your singleton children. Don't compare milestones, praise your child for who they are. Celebrate their personal milestones. This is a constant effort for me, but I'm doing better every day.
So there I was at 5:30 in the morning with my Jessa, completely exhausted, but soaking in every second. I may not get to be this focused on her the rest of the day so this time, it matters. Night feedings (or early morning in our case) won't last for long. & now both my twins are sleeping & my toddler is doing an independent art activity. & as I watch her I think about all the times I held her as a baby. That toddler does not want to cuddle, does not want to be fed, she wants to feed herself. She tells me when she's napping or going to bed....one very short year ago she was only 6 months old, just starting to eat real food. It all passes too quickly.
To any expecting mother, please remember these things. To anyone who knows an expecting mother, be an encourager. Be there to listen if she cries about it being hard, help her fold laundry, make her a dinner, tell her she's doing a good job. I wouldn't be the mother I am without all the support I have from my family and friends, they need your support and encouragement more than you think.
XOXOX,
Harmon Housewife
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